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CAPSULE COMMENTS: For comics on-sale Feb. 11, 2015

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It was kind of a rough week at my local comics shop as two of the books I pre-ordered failed to arrive in the shipment from Diamond. My retailer has placed a re-order for Five Ghosts #15 and Smallville Season 11: Continuity #3, although in the case of the latter I may skip it as it appears the Legion of Super-Heroes only appeared in the first installment of this four-issue limited series. Here's what did wind up in my pull file:


ALL-NEW X-MEN #36
Marvel Comics, $3.99
[MILDLY RECOMMENDED]

My complaint about this title is almost exactly the same as my problem with Superman, of late. Namely, the book has taken forever to tell about two issue's worth of plot.

The original, all-new X-Men  first ran across Carmen Cruise, the girl who can bridge the gap between dimensions, in Issue #31. That was six issues and five months ago. They meet up with her again this issue in a sort of offhand way after spending the intervening issues working themselves out of various dire circumstances into which Carmen had transported them. And there's the rub. Those chapters — Iceman fighting the Mole Man, Angle in the Savage Land, Beast captured by Dr. Doom, and Jean Gray getting her flirt on with Ultimate Spider-Man — took up four issues, when they only really needed one, at most. Hell, back in the day, Stan Lee would've had our mutant pals in and out of their respective jams in just a few pages, then back to the main business at hand. Unfortunately, what should have been a few interesting side bits got treated like they were the actual plot, and a glacial one at that. The way each hero's plight was decompressed, it not only took four issues for the team to get back together, but each issue pretty much covered the same ground. For four issues we saw Iceman try to escape the Mole Man, and then the local authorities. For four issues we saw Beast ruminate over how he might escape Dr. Doom. For four issues we saw Miles Morales act all nervous and geeky around Jean Gray. Only the Angel and X-23 chapters moved along in any meaningful degree, but that's only because the plot required somebody figure out where they were and pull the team back together from their disparate locations.

When the team finally does regroup, having joined forces with their Ultimate Universe dopplegangers — and I have to say the whole, "Your like us only different" stuff fell flat, since it's previously been played to death in this book with the All-News meeting multiple present and future versions of themselves — the story wraps up pretty quickly with a, "Hey, you're a mutant. We can help with that."

But, really, Carmen should have been the main story all along. This should have been a coming of age allegory with Carmen getting a grip with her  new state reality (in both a literal and figurative sense), paralleled with the X-Men finally learning to accept their new status quo. At the very least, we should have got more of Carmen in each issue, not just in the first and last few pages of the story, spaced five months apart. It would have been interesting, too, if the X-Men had escaped their first jump only get dispatched by Carmen a second, and maybe third time, to different universes each time. As it is, it's not until this issue that we get to see worlds that differ appreciably from the 616. Although, that said, I guess I don't know enough about the Ultimate universe to know why its Dr. Doom has grasshopper legs. So, I guess it's different enough.

I actually dropped this book from my pull list when Stuart Immonen left, as I was already long past the glacial pacing of the story. Still, even though each issue only covers about 10 minutes in story time, and even though each one takes about half that time to read, the dialogue and character bits have kept me coming back, checking the book on the stands and tossing it in my buy pile. However, I'm pretty sure this was my last issue. While not Immonen, the art by Mahmud Asrar is good, even compelling in places. However, there are a few problems with layouts not being as clear as they could be and with Jean Gray occasionally looking like she's about 10 years old. There's also one panel where she's supposed to be biting her lip, disgusted by what she saw in Tony Stark's mind, but, frankly, she really looks like she's drooling.

But, good dialogue and a few nicely drawn panels is not enough to keep me coming back any longer. At the end of the day, no one issue is worth the $4 entry fee and the $24 I've spent on the last six issues is more than the trade paperback collection will cost. 

(Read Time: 7:15)
STORY GRADE: B- 
ISSUE SCORE: 66.75
[Cover: 6:50 | Plot: 7.50 | Script: 9.0 | Layout: 7.25 | Artwork: 8.0 | Editing: 5.50 | Colors and Production Values: 6.50 | Dollar Value: 4.25 | Collectibility: 6.0 | The Gosh-Wow Factor: 6.25]



AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #14
Marvel Comics, $3.99
[ALTERNATELY RECOMMENDED]

I almost dropped this title when the Spider-Verse saga began, thinking, A) I'll never be able to keep up with the story with all of the ancillary tie-ins and cross-overs, and, B) What a stupid idea! But, as it turns out, bringing the cosmic concept of the DC Multiverse to the street level of our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man has been just pounds of fun. Honestly, I can't remember when I've enjoyed a Spidey book so much, and this title has been on a high already since its Superior run.

But, every story has to end and this one suffers from the same problem that hobbles so many comic book epics, such as the All-New X-Men arc critiqued above, and last week's concluding chapter of the Ulysses tale over in Superman. So many comic book sagas these days (and by these days, I mean for the past quarter century) begin strong with a cool springboard, then kind of slog though however many middle chapters are needed to fill out the eventual trade paperback, and then wrap everything up in a few panels at the end. And that's what happens here. For the past six issues, the big-bad Inheritors have been built up as an unbeatable force of nature. But with the death of Inheritor patriarch Solus last issue, the tables turn entirely. The Legion of Super-Spider-Men take the fight to the Inheritor homeworld and suddenly they're the ones on the kicker end of the asses. Then, one exiled member of the Inheritor family shows up and takes the Spider side. That comes a little out of nowhere, but in adherence to Chekov's rule, he had been placed on the mantle in Act I, although only by way of a passing reference, so I guess it's okay.

Ultimately, the end comes so fast that the Inheritor called Daemos — at least I think it's Daemos, he and a brother each call each other by that same name within the space of two pages — actually says, in what seems a bit of meta-textual commentary, "How can everything be unraveling so fast?" Of course, he says this while fighting Peter Porker the Spectacular Spider-Ham. It's things like that which have made this story so completely awesome!

Less awesome, however, and swept up in the fast unraveling, is the revelation of Earth-3,145. There's no comma given, but the way, so maybe "Earth-3145" designates a year, not a numeral? Anyway, this is the world where Ben Parker is Spider-Man, and we got quite a big build up on him over the past couple of issues, what with this revelation and his origin. You'd think that might've led to something, but in this concluding chapter, having agreed to take up the fight, he says barely a word and is relegated to squirreling away Spider-Girl's baby brother to previously unknown "safe" world. Meanwhile, even though Spider-Ben's Earth is toxic to the Inheritors, it only factors in as their jail. It's not used at all to defeat the previously undefeatable family. Nope, Spiders just be kickin' ass. Frankly, this would have been more believable, given how the Inheritors have been portrayed thus far, if we had been given some Spider-Fodder in the final battle. One or two soldiers (at least) in the Spider-Army should have fallen. In fact, it might have worked well if the Superior Spider-Man had sacrificed himself once again. That would have messed up the 616 timeline, of course, but the Marvel Multiverse is big enough for it to have been revealed that he was the Superior version from some other Earth, one from which, with his death, that world's Peter Parker is not only dead, but now really good and truly dead.

You've heard me say before that I'm a fan of Humberto Ramos' super-stylaized art, just not on Spider-Man, but I really missed him this issue. The art is credited to Guiseppe Camuncoli and Oliver Coipel, which would ordinarily lead me to believe Coipel was the inker, or secondary artist. I've never heard of Camuncoli. But the artwork looks to be pure Coipel and that means that, as with his work on the Legion of Super-Heroes and The Avengers, there's lots of panels full of characters running, leaping and jumping, but not always much to indicate where they're running, leaping and jumping from, or to.  With   so little given in the way of backgrounds and establishing shots, it gets to the point where writer Dan Slott has to have one of the Inheritors say of the Spider-Army, "Here they are now," because, his say so is really all we have to go on. Otherwise its like, there they are, for no apparent reason, so everyone commence to running, leaping and jumping. There's also a bit at the end where a character looks like our Spider-Man, but speaks with a very Superior voice. That might have been just me finally losing track of who's who after several issues of more Spider-Men then you can shake a stick at, but it did confuse me and take me out of the story somewhat, as I wasn't sure if Peter was suddenly acting tough, or if Coipel had drawn the wrong character.

(Read Time: 13:40, plus 5:55 for recap page/lettercol)
STORY GRADE: C+
ISSUE SCORE: 70.25
[Cover: 8:50 | Plot: 7.0 | Script: 8.25 | Layout: 4.50 | Artwork: 8.25 | Editing: 4.50 | Colors and Production Values: 9.0 | Dollar Value: 6.50 | Collectibility: 7.0 | The Gosh-Wow Factor: 6.75]



ASTRO CITY #20
DC Comics/Vertigo, $3.99
[ALWAYS RECOMMENDED]

I find I generally prefer the Astro City stories that last just an issue or two. That may be because shorter stories help feed the retro-vibe of this book. Tales that play to the same plot-centric storytelling sensibilities of my youth tend to do so to a greater degree when they play out at a similar length. Still, I have rather enjoyed this life story of Quarrel, begun in Issue #18.

I faulted the last issue for seeming to be a little more tell than show as Quarrel related her back story. Here, however, we get much more going on in the present. We also get to see, via the previously unrevealed romance with MPH, how the past impacts the now. That sort of interplay seemed to be missing somewhat, last time out. Here, it gives us a good feel for the difference between super-powered and street-level crimefighters, as Quarrel ends her relationship with MPH, in part because she feels he'll never really understand her need to train so incessantly. Of course, she's also kind of a bitch, as writer Kurt Busiek makes clear. And so is Crackerjack. But Busiek does a real nice job of taking two characters with many less-than-admirable qualities and still making each eminently likable.

Overall, however, Busiek is telling what may be the best treatise ever on the aging super-hero, and does a fantastic job of playing both ends by showing how Quarrel and Crackerjack each approach the imminent end to their crime-fighting careers. Frankly, this is everything Neil Gaiman's failed "Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?" should have been. And, yes, I said "failed." I know it won a lot of awards. I thought it was crap. It should have something WAY more like this.

Brent Anderson's artwork also is better this time out. He's a superb storyteller, but his art has looked way rushed lately. I've long advocated for an inker to be brought on board, maybe Jerry Ordway, but that's probably a futile request. Still, while things are better overall this outing, there are a few panels were the inking looks slapdash, or the poses non-anatomical. There's also a page where Anderson seems to have forgotten the tale has returned to the present from a flashback, as he leaves Quarrel in her early handkerchief mask, instead of the headgear in which she started the opening fight with the Khyborgs.

(Read Time: 15.10, plus 3:00 for letter col/promo pages)
STORY GRADE: A
ISSUE SCORE: 76.25
[Cover: 7.0 | Plot: 9.0 | Script: 9.25 | Layout: 8.75 | Artwork: 7.75 | Editing: 6.50 | Colors and Production Values: 6.75 | Dollar Value: 6.0 | Collectibility: 6.75 | The Gosh-Wow Factor: 8.50]




JUSTICE LEAGUE 3000 #14
DC Comics, $2.99
[HARDLY RECOMMENDED]

Oh. My. Gawd. The art on this was so awfully, terribly bad. And Andy Kuhn is not a bad artist at all. I've rather enjoyed his work on other things. But this issue looks like it was done over a weekend. Or, more correctly, it looks like Kuhn simply turned in the thumbnail sketches he did to work out his page layouts.

And, to be fair, a few pages in, once one gets over the shocking difference from the Howard Porter art that normally graces this title, it begins to dawn that the storytelling is actually okay. The images, such as they are, generally flow together well. The layouts are decent. It just doesn't look like finished art at all. It looks like so-much Sharpie sketches. And, while I hate to beat up on Kuhn — he's been a professional artists for a lot of years, after all, and I'm just a simple caveman fanboy — I would not be true to my fanboy soul if I did not say that he has managed to give us what may be the least impressive double-page spread in all of comics.

Of course, those two pages, in which Ice looks out over a post-apocalyptic wasteland, are not at all necessary. But then, neither is the telling of Ice's history from present day to the 31st century. We had a nice set-up going with the All-New Justice League set to face off against a group of cloned villains, led by :::gasp!::: Lois Lane, when things stopped dead from the shoehorning of Booster Gold and Blue Beetle into the series. Adding in Ice is all fine and well, but taking up this full issue for her backstory really stops the real plot dead in its tracks. Her history could have been truncated to a couple of pages, or, better yet, a couple of panels. But editor Harvey Richards seems to have been asleep at the wheel anyway. How else to explain him completely forgetting that Ice was present at the death of the original Justice League. "I watched him die," she said of Superman, last issue. But here, she's shown to have completely missed the Justice League's demise during her self-impossed cryogenic slumber.

Richards also allowed Lancelot to be referred to as Galahad in Issue #10. It's unclear to me if the residents of Camelot 9 are supposed to be the actual characters from the old 1980s series Camelot 3000, or if that's just an homage. Either way, the error was fixed in Issue #11.

So, anyway, I may be dropping this series soon. What I initially enjoyed was the interplay of the All-New League, with their heroic personas buried deep down, but sporting new personalities on the surface. Sales have languished, so it seems not everyone likes this book as much as I have. But with the title quickly turning into Super Buddies 3000, and thus moving further and further away from what it was, it is, to me, losing its appeal. The Blue & Gold bwa-ha-ha thing has been done to death. It was these new characters I was enjoying.

(Read Time: 15:30, plus 2:00 for promo pages)
STORY GRADE: C
ISSUE SCORE: 63.00
[Cover: 7:0 | Plot: 6.25 | Script: 7.75 | Layout: 7.25 | Artwork: 5.50 | Editing: 4.25 | Colors and Production Values: 7.0 | Dollar Value: 6.25 | Collectibility: 5.50 | The Gosh-Wow Factor: 6.25]




JUSTICE LEAGUE UNITED #9
DC Comics. $3.99
[RECOMMENDED ONLY FOR LEGION COMPLETISTS]

Well, this issue is certainly better than the last. Of course, "Ricky and Debbie in Sardineland" was a better comic book than JLU #8!

This issue only feeds my suspicion that the last chapter was a rush-job to infill what was originally billed as a five-part event, in order to stretch things out until DC's big "Convergence"event. Not a lot happens this time out and this six-cum-five part story really could have been completed in two, to be honest. Hell, back in the day we got the LSH, the JLA and the JSA through a complete and satisfying story in just two issues. Here, the combined might of Justice League United and the Legion of Super-Heroes is needed to take down Byth, while the Martian Manhunter frees both Hawkman and Utraa the Multi Alien from Byth's mental control. Frankly, this book really ought to be titled J'Onn & Co., or at least J'Onzz and Bitchy Supergirl Team-Up.

As to the Legion, well, all of the postboot characters who showed up last issue disappear this time out, as does Shadow Lass, who was supposed to be recovering from injuries on Mars anyway. Artist Neil Edwards also manages not to give us any Legionnaires twice in one panel in different costumes, so that's to the good, although Element Lad is still dressed in a recolored Alchemist suit, while Matter-Eater Lad is decked out in his SW6 togs. Speaking of Element Lad, either he or Sun Boy is missing form the Roll Call, it's hard to tell which, while Quislet, who has yet to make an appearance in this story, is there once again.

I do like Edwards' art however, even if his panel layouts don't always do much to help the story. His drawings are nice. I especially like his Bouncing Boy, which, perhaps aided by the pairing of Jay Leisten and Keith Champagne on inks, reminds me a great deal of the Legion's much-missed James Sherman/Mike Nasser era.

This issue ends with Brainy opening a black hole on the team, having refused to wait for J'Onn to do his thing, prematurely dispatching a dues ex mabomb. This whole saga has revolved around the Legion coming back in time to kill Ultraa in order to prevent him from becoming Infinitus. How exactly that transformation happens has not been fully explained, nor do we get so much as a wink and a nod to explain why Infinitus looks exactly like The Infinite Man, a Bronze Age Legion villain who was a completely different character. Still, the whole Legion of Super-Assassins angle has the team behaving in a decidedly un-Legionlike way, which makes me wonder if Jeff Lemire really understands who he's writing about.

No matter, I dropped this title after Issue #2 and only picked it up again for the Legion. I'll drop it again next issue, which may be its last anyway. I haven't heard if this title is returning after Convergence, but I'd tend to doubt it.

(Read Time: 15:35, plus 0:30 for promo pages)
STORY GRADE: C+
ISSUE SCORE: 61.75
[Cover: 6.25 | Plot: 6.0 | Script: 6.75 | Layout: 6.75 | Artwork: 8.50 | Editing: 4.50 | Colors and Production Values: 8.0 | Dollar Value: 4.50 | Collectibility: 5.75 | The Gosh-Wow Factor: 4.75]



KLARION #5
DC Comics, $2.99
[HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED]

Oh, man. This is just a really bad book. I bought on thinking, or at least hoping, it would be the male equivalent of what Batgirl and Gotham Academy promised to be. But instead of a cool new, retro-heroic character, what we get is something much more akin to the grim 'n' gritty '90s zeitgeist. I've always liked the idea of Klarion, and have wanted a book starring him to succeed. But this is a poorly-edited splooge of way too many ideas poorly conveyed, thanks in part to panels that run helter-skelter across the page with little regard for actually telling a story. It's all kewl ideas mixed with cool drawings that totally turns me off. I'd like to give you a little of the plot, but it's mostly lost on me, especially given zero attempt to catch the reader up on what has come before. I'm serious, I was totally friggin' lost from one end of this issue to the other.

Frankly, I ordinarily would have dropped this book after the first or second issue, but due to some financial difficulties last fall, the first four piled up in my pull pile before I could get to them. By that time, it was announced this title would end, deservedly so, with Issue #6. I figured, what the hell, I'll complete the set. But it's hard brother, Lord it's hard.

Ann Nocenti was a writer I liked once upon a time. And, in recent interviews with her, it's clear she is putting a lot of thought into her stories, in an attempt to create a fully-realized world. But little of what's in her head seems to be translating to the page, at least for me. It's like she's trying to throw an entire Wizarding World of Harry Potter at us, forgetting in the attempt that J. K. Rowling succeeded by starting with the simple story of lonely orphan, or that Lord of the Rings started with a simple hobbit going for a long walk. You have to introduce the elements and expand the world as you go, starting from readily relatable characters. You can't just barf out the whole universe at once and expect readers to keep up, or care.

Because of my good will for Nocenti from her Longshot and Daredeveil days, as well as her editing stint on New Mutants, I want to like her work. But her more recent runs on Green Arrow, Legion Lost, and the particularly dreadful Katana, have left me cold. At this point, she's kind of poison to me and I'm more likely to skip rather than buy a comic with her name on the cover, sad to say.

(Read Time: 11:15, plus 2:00 for promo pages)
STORY GRADE: D
ISSUE SCORE: 43.25
[Cover: 7:25 | Plot: 4.50 | Script: 5.25 | Layout: 3.25 | Artwork: 6.50 | Editing: 2.50 | Colors and Production Values: 6.0 | Dollar Value: 5.50 | Collectibility: 1.0 | The Gosh-Wow Factor: 1.50]




THOR #5
Marvel Comics, $3.99
[THUNDEROUSLY RECOMMENDED]

Thor's a chick. Chick's rule. And that's pretty much all you need to know about this issue.

I'm a little disappointed that Titania refers to Thor as She-Thor and Lady Thunderstrike, and not Thunderella, which I've been stumping for and trying to turn into a meme online. Still, that aside, I'm all for female Thor, in part because Jason Aaron's script is so clever and fun. But even so, this issue does take a healthy mjolnir-type swipe to the head with the feminist stuff. It's like, okay, great, equal rights, fine. Yeah, it's totally unfair that Thunderella only gets to kill 77 frost giants for every 100 allowed to Thor. We. Get. It.

This issue does a good job of obeying Stan Lee's No. 1 rule for comic book scripting. That is, that someone must slug someone else by Page 3. But after the smackdown of Crusher Creel and sister-surrender from Titania, the rest of the book is pretty much talking, or, in the case of the hero-formerlly-known-as-Thor, slurring. Still, it's all fun. I'm just anxious for Thunderella to go out an be Thor and stop with all the woe-is-me, nobody-will-accept-a-thunder-god-with-boobs stuff. Of course, some, if not most, of that may come from whomever Thunderella is under the helmet, and I wish Arron was giving us more clues and/or red herrings in that regard. It does seem that there is a real Thor/Donald Blake thing going on, with her speaking in the Asgardian way, but thinking like an everyday denizen of lowly Midgard.

As an aside, I have to wonder how much I missed in my decades away from the House of Ideas? I had no idea Titania and the Absorbing Man were married. Moreover, I seem to recall from my days reading Marvel Two-In-One off the spinner rack that Titania was one of the good guys. Am I thinking of a different character? And another aside — this issue is the second time recently in which someone has referred to the "ten realms." My memory says the Norse mythology of Thor's universe is built on nine realms. I'm not certain if I'm spotting an editorial error, if something changed and I missed it, or if maybe this new 10th Realm is the clue to Thunderella's identity I was looking for. Well, at any rate, I'm still expecting her to be Jane Foster.

As to the art, it was generally okay. The colors were a bit dark throughout for my taste, and not every panel transition was what I might have hoped for. Still, I can't fault things much beyond the nitpick level. My only real complaint is that Thunderella hits like a girl. I can just imagine Stan Lee looking at the panel where she supposedly breaks Creel's jaw and saying, "No, no, no. She has to be shown really following through on the punch, or else winding way back for the swing." As it is, what she delivers looks like a love tap, and a real good way of breaking her wrist.


(Read Time: 15:40, plus 0:35 for recap page)
STORY GRADE: B+
ISSUE SCORE: 70.50
[Cover: 7:0 | Plot: 7.25 | Script: 9.25 | Layout: 6.75 | Artwork: 7.50 | Editing: 6.50 | Colors and Production Values: 5.50 | Dollar Value: 5.75 | Collectibility: 7.25 | The Gosh-Wow Factor: 7.75]





STAT ATTACK!
TOTAL RETAIL COST: $25.93
MY COST (retail - 20% LCS discount + 5.5% ME sales tax): $21.88

COVER PRICE
High: $3.99 (all Marvel books, plus JLU)
Average: $3.70
Median: $3.99
Low: $2.99 (Klarion #5, JL3k #14)

PRODUCT PAGE COUNT
High: 36 (Amazing Spidey #14, albeit augmented by 8-page promotional foldout)
Average: 30.67
Median: 31.42 
Low: 28 (All-New X-Men #36, Thor #5)

STORY PAGE COUNT
High: 24 (Astro City #20)
Average: 20.86
Median: 20
Low: 20 (Everything else except JLU)

STORY COST (price/story page count)
Best: 14.95¢/page (Klarion #5, JL3k #14)
Average: 17.79¢/page
Median: 16.63¢/page
Worst: 19.95¢/page (all Marvel books)

STORY READ TIME
High: 15:40 (Thor #5)
Average: 13:45
Median: 15:10
Low: 7:15 (All-New X-Men #36)

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE (price/story read time)
Best: 19.29¢/minute (JL3k #14)
Average: 29.66¢/minute
Median: 26.30¢/minute
Worst: 55.03¢/minute (All-New X-Men #36)

PANEL AVERAGE (panels/story pages)
High: 4.42/page (Astro City #20)
Average: 4.17/page
Median: 4.15/page
Low: 3.0/page (Klarion #5)

WORD AVERAGE (words/story pages)
High: 
Average:
Median:
Low:

ADVERTISING PERCENTAGE (total pgs inc. covers/(ad pgs - house ad pgs))
High: 16.67% (Klarion #5, JL3k #14)
Average: 14.98%
Median: 15.63%
Low: 12.50% (Amazing Spidey #14)


STORY GRADE
High: A (Astro City #20)
Average: 2.50/C+ 
Median: C+
Low: D (Klarion #5)

ISSUE SCORE
High: 76.25 (Astro City #20)
Average: 64.54
Median: 66.75
Low: 43.25 (Klarion #5)

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